I don't even know where to begin. Suicide is so selfish, and it hurts the people who care about you so much. Last night, my grandpa committed suicide. I don't know how, and I do not want to know. All I do know, though, is how angry I am at him. There are no words to express the level of anger I've been feeling today.
It was all planned out. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my mom, sister, and I were going to drive to Arkansas to visit him for the holiday. His birthday was on October 20th, so I called him to wish him a happy birthday, and we talked about how we were going to come visit him. He asked if I had gotten any more tattoos, I said no. He said if I came down there with any more tattoos, he was gonna throw me in the lake. That was my grandpa, quite the jokester. But, he had more than his fair share of health problems. That comes with a lifetime of smoking and drinking, I suppose. So I knew that this trip to visit him would, more likely than not, be my last.

And he took that away from me, from my sister, from my mom.

And it hurts so bad that he would do something like that to us. So now what? How do I move on past this? How do I forgive him? How do I come to terms with this?


All these evenings bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight.
You never know what temporal days may bring,
So laugh, love, live free and sing when life is in discord.